Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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