Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
