Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
