I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
