Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
