yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
did i just pee glitter
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