I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
