I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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