Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
