so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need water and some morals
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
