Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
