I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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