I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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