I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
