The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
