you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize