Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
