This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
