Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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