I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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