The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
