Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
