She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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