I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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