Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
