Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
