i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
