I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
