Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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