I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
