the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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