Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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