I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
