There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
