ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
