everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Holy shit dude........stairs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
