I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize