i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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