i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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