that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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