i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
