i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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