he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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