i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
