can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
