Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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