What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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