I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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