Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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