Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
