Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
