But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
