apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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