Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
