So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
