I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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