3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
