there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.