Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you