I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home