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no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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