Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO