i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
