So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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