I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
