it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
