There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
