please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
