god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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