i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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