She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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