On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
