Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
