she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize