i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
