If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
