It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
