Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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