We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
