Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
