Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
