I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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